Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
