i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
