mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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