He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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