I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
