i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
