I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
