As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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