Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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