omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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