just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
