so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
