if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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