She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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