if you like me you must not know who I am
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
