I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
