goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Success! We fucked roommates!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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