remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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