Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
