Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
