Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
