I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We need a shit load of segways right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
