all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
