mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
