Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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