Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
