Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
