After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
