Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
