ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
