And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
