I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
