Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
