you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
