Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
