I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
