i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
