Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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