If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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