im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
