loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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