so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
