guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
