there's paper in my vomit.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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