The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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