So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you had me at cake vodka
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
