I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
