tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
