Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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