I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Of course I have a pirate flag
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
