"it" just moved
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Randomize
