Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
