just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
